Seeking Vengeance

 Chapter 32 - No Longer Seeking Vengeance

Of course, they didn't tell me anything until it had all been decided.

I watched her die. The pain of that matched and dwarfed everything I'd experienced. The physical pain was bad enough, but the knowledge of my responsibility, that I was the one wielding that knife, that branding iron, was so much worse than anything else. Setting the Order of Taraka on her was like something done by someone else. I didn't know her then. Well, I knew her, but I didn't know her, if you see what I mean. She was knocking about with my grandsire and I had Dru. Afterwards, it had been something I marvelled at - that she and her friends could overcome three assassins from the most feared Order in any dimensions.

Then, I fell in love with her, and I put my past er indiscretions out of my mind. Because she tried to kill me too, didn't she? And she put me in that bloody wheelchair. But, it's different now. I can see it. She suffered so much before she died, and it's because of me. For the first time since I arrived here, my calls for vengeance die. Because I deserve Hell. I deserve everything they can throw at me, for all eternity. Because, I destroyed her.

My only hope was that she'd go back to heaven, but the knowledge that she'd arranged her own death taunted me. Because, as I understand the rules, that would mean she comes here, and they're bound to have something special in mind for the Slayer.

Ant then, suddenly, it was different. Time 'down there' seemed to freeze. I felt it, even if I didn't understand it. My chief tormentor came to see me, and he didn't look at all happy.

"Well, it looks like you've done it. You never were one for following rules, but I really thought you'd had it when you came here. Instead …"

He looked disgusted as he explained what was going to happen.

"You're going back. Back to the day you got staked. Except, this time, there won't be any intervention. You'll be on your own. They," he pointed to the screen where I'd been so recently crying over Buffy's inert body. "They, are going to get another chance. Now, I don't believe for one second that it could go any better for them with you down there, so I'm betting that this isn't goodbye, but more au revoir. You'll be back. Sooner or later, someone down there will manage to send you back here, and I'm going to make sure that I'm posted as far away from here as possible when that happens. You're trouble, William the Bloody."

He really did look annoyed, but I was having problems taking in what he'd just said.

"Of course, you won't be allowed to remember any of this, just in case you can use it to your advantage. However, as is normal practice, we have recorded your thoughts, and the thoughts of one Xander Harris, and we'll keep them, for our records. There's going to be Hell to pay for this mix-up, and I'm going to make sure everyone knows we did our job."

He stopped then, almost looking embarrassed at showing me how ruffled he was.

"Well, what're you waiting for? Get out of here!"

And then ….