Seeking Vengeance

 Chapter 7 - Too Much, Too Soon

They pushed her into getting back to her life. As if being the Slayer and the only parent Dawn had wasn't enough, they pushed her back into 'being normal'.

Of course, thanks to the nerd that built the 'bot and his two little chums, she was on a hiding to nothing, but even without that, it was too soon. I was shouting at them from where I was, telling them to just look at her, sure that if they looked properly they'd see what she was feeling. But they had their own ideas on what was happening in her head, and the fact that they didn't match reality didn't seem to matter.

I watched the happenings of that night, the night after her disastrous debut in retail. In many ways they were the same as that first night when I watched her going to my crypt. She patrolled for a while, but it looked like she was trying to get herself killed. This time, when she opened the door to my crypt, she was so desperate, that she had a look around and found one of the bottles I'd stashed. She sat in my chair, and started to drink straight from the bottle, making faces and making the daftest noise with every mouthful. If I'd been there with her, I reckon I'd have found it funny, but from where I was, it was anything but amusing.

It was so obvious that she was looking for oblivion. Well, no, she was looking for the peace she'd had in heaven, but in the absence of that, oblivion would do. She drank, and the combination of the alcohol on a body unused to it, and the fact that she hadn't had a proper sleep since she got back, meant that she soon slept deeply. She looked the closest I'd seen to happy as she curled in my chair, and if I hadn't understood the desperation that had driven her there, I'd have been happy for her.

Back at the house, Willow and Tara were having a disagreement. It wasn't a big deal, but it wasn't the first one recently either. Tara had been worried for a while that Willow relied too heavily on magic, and although this had been the case for a while, Willow's run-in with Giles had made her much more sensitive to Tara's comments.

Dawn couldn't hear what was going on. But, she knew there was tension in the house. She tried to persuade herself it was all because of Buffy, but deep down, she knew that some of Willow's irritation had to do with her relationship with Tara. And, it was obvious that Tara wasn't happy either. This was even more worrying to Dawn, because it was Tara who had been her main comfort at home while Buffy was gone. She desperately needed someone to talk to, but didn't want to worry the witch. And, of course, I wasn't there any more.

Then again, Dawn didn't understand what was wrong with Buffy any more than her friends did. The one difference was that Dawn did see that Buffy needed time. Of course, time works differently for teenagers, and Dawn had thought that once she'd had a few days to re-acclimatise herself, Buffy would be her old self.

Instead, as time went on, Buffy was becoming more and more distant. She was doing most of the right things for Dawn, but she was doing them mechanically. She made sure there were clean clothes, and she made her sister's lunches, but she wasn't really there.

Patrol seemed to be taking longer each night, and Dawn noticed that her lunches were being made up the night before. It had become rare for Dawn even to see Buffy before she left for school.

For a child who had seen everyone she loved desert her, either through death or other means, it had a devastating effect.

She started going to the Magic Box after school, because even if she didn't care that much about her, Anya was better company than the others. And it was there that she started on her life of crime.

Her initial thefts were small and unimportant. She didn't even want the things she took, they were just tokens of the fact that she could have what she wanted. And while it was just the Magic Box that was involved, the potential damage was minimised.

The morning after Buffy's first drinking session, Dawn didn't even realise that her sister hadn't come home. Her lunch was already prepared, and the two witches, who had found out by accident, didn't say anything. Tara didn't see any point in worrying Dawn until they knew there was something to worry about.

Willow was angry at having to cut classes to go looking for her friend. She felt that, having brought her back, she was owed a few favours, and really didn't want to go on giving.

Giles was genuinely worried. It was his suggestion that two parties go out looking for her, so the Whelp had to go too, driving for Willow.

And, in the end, it was Willow who knew where to find her. I'm still not sure whether she used magic to find her, but it's not important. I don't think Giles would ever have considered my crypt, and for some reason, Xander had been avoiding the thought of it.

It only took Willow a couple of seconds to understand what she wanted to about the way they found Buffy. As far as the witch was concerned, Buffy was having problems coping with being back from Hell, but instead of talking about her experiences with her friends, she was becoming more and more isolated, wallowing in her problems. The sight of her friend sleeping in a filthy crypt with a bottle for company was just the last straw. She stormed out of the crypt to wait in the car for Xander.

Xander's reaction was different. He had been irritated at being forced to be late for work, that much was obvious. But, his reaction when he saw Buffy there, was closer to the one I'd have had if it'd been me. He saw how vulnerable she was, and his reaction was to take care of her.

He always loved her. I knew that, just like I knew she didn't love him. Somehow, he had managed to put the feelings away somewhere, and he'd done a pretty good job. I don't think he even knew they were still there. And I'm bloody certain Anya didn't know, because she's never been one to keep quiet about something like that.

So, as he carried her out to the car, she was sheltered in his arms like a babe, and she relaxed into a deeper sleep. Of course, having seen some of the things that were to come, I raged against what I saw. But, the problem with being in Hell, is that no one listens when you rage. It's one of the rules. You can make as much noise as you like, but no one can hear but you.