Seeking Vengeance

 Chapter 3 - Hitch-Hiker

Ok, I know what you're thinking. If I got staked at the beginning of this story, how come I'm able to tell you what happened? Well, there's a very simple reason for that.

Now, you probably know there're an infinite number of hell dimensions. They vary a lot, or so I'm led to understand. Those who are destined to go there, are assigned according to their particular, well, needs. It seems that I'd upset a few people in the hell neighbourhood. I mean, I was a vampire, and I was supposed to be evil, but it seems I wasn't actually evil enough. So, I was sent to a five-star hell dimension. Now, that doesn't mean you get to live in luxury with a private swimming pool - or at least it could, but only if that's your worst nightmare.

This dimension comes complete with personal tormentors. A bit like personal trainers, except their purpose is to tailor-make your hell experience. These demons are specially chosen for their ability to read and interpret your thoughts. They know what makes you suffer more than anything else, and that's what you get. You could call it bespoke rather than off the peg.

Of course, they had to try a few things first. They went through the standard raft of purely physical torment, before they started to dig a bit deeper. They obviously picked up on my feelings for my girls, so they decided on something else. The forced me to watch what was happening to them. They soon discovered that physical torture actually took my mind off the horror I felt when I was forced to see what became of them. I was therefore condemned to watch them for eternity. Of course, because of the different way time works there, I didn't necessarily see things in sequence. And, there was still time for the physical pain without missing any earth-bound action, but the mainstay of my punishment was to be able to see, and in some ways, feel, what they were going through.

And, believe me, it worked. I watched, and I railed against what I saw. I cried out for retribution. But enough of that. Back to telling you what it was that upset me so much.

So, anyway, after they brought her back, they expected her to be grateful. Grateful! Grateful for dragging her out of heaven, back to the mouth of Hell itself.

They had this problem with a hitch-hiker. The day after she came back, they got together to research, but the first chance she got, Buffy left them, telling them she needed to patrol. More like she just needed some peace.

I watched her that night. She wasn't patrolling, she was looking for something to kill her. She seemed to have forgotten everything she knew. She didn't check around her, she didn't think about what she was doing. She just walked.

She walked almost straight for my crypt. Must admit I was surprised at that. She didn't knock, well, she never did. She didn't march in either, not this time. She walked with the same lack of consciousness that she did everything.

She looked around. I assume she was looking for me, but she didn't call out. She just scanned the upper level before taking the steps below. When she didn't find me there, she went back upstairs, and headed for my chair.

It was still surrounded by the debris of my little celebration. I'd stashed some of the bottles, but I managed to empty several too. She studied the chair for a while, as if it was something she hadn't seen before. Then, a finger reached out, stroking the surface, and fingering away the dust that had settled there. She knew, I know she did. She knew I was gone.

Now my chair was never the cleanest thing around. I mean, I got it from a dump, and it's spent its recent life in a crypt. So, not clean. But, stake a vampire on it, and you've got a new definition of dusty. And, if I do say so myself, I left a lot of dust. She should have been disgusted by that chair, but she wasn't. She sat in it. She just sat there, vacant-eyed, knees pulled to her chest. It tore at me to see her, allowing her feelings to surface for the first time. Of course, by this time, I knew the truth. She hadn't been pulled out of hell, she had been pulled into it.

The presence of her friends, all expecting her gratitude, all expecting her to take up the mantle of the Slayer, and lead the way as she always had - it all amounted to a huge responsibility, and she just couldn't take it.

And Dawn - my other girl. While Buffy was in my crypt, enjoying a few moments respite from her new life, Dawn was playing host to the 'hitch-hiker'. She'd been on an emotional roller-coaster the previous twenty-four hours, and, that was on top of months of fear that Glory was going to take her, and the reality that Buffy died instead. How she got through the summer with everything, I'll never know. Willow was so wrapped up in researching the spell to bring Buffy back, and Xander was doing his bit too. Tara tried to be there for her, but Willow was taking her time too. Hardly surprising that she relied on the 'bot and me.

Of course the other side of that is that she kept me going. It was the only thing that stopped me from greeting one last sunrise, the knowledge that I had promised to look after her. Of course, I couldn't do that any more, all I could do was watch. And then, she had to be possessed by that demon, then hear that one way to get rid of the demon was to kill Buffy. Poor thing, she was ready to crumble, but she didn't. Not that they noticed, well, maybe Tara did, but not the others. They were so full of congratulations that they'd brought Buffy back that they couldn't see beyond it.

Buffy got back home that night looking worse than ever. She went upstairs, and was attacked. The hitch-hiker had realised that if it destroyed Buffy, it would get to stay in her place. Buffy was only just back, and already she had to fight to stay back. The only thing that kept her going, I reckon, was habit. She'd been so used to fighting everything the world threw at her, that she fought back, when all she really wanted to do was go back to where she had come from.

Of course, Willow came to the rescue with a spell to give the demon substance so Buffy could fight it, but .. Then, if it hadn't been for Willow, she wouldn't have had to fight it in the first place.

The next day, they were all assembled at the house. Willow was still on a high, but she was harbouring a lot of resentment that Buffy didn't seem more grateful. It was making her rather waspish, and Tara was doing her best to keep her calm.

Buffy was largely silent, almost as though she was pretending she wasn’t there at all. Dawn was sitting close to Buffy, almost as though she was worried she'd disappear.

"Have you seen Spike?" she asked no one in particular. There was an instant silence in the previously animated conversation, as they all looked at her.

"I expect he's just keeping out of the way," Anya replied.

"Yes," agreed Willow. "He knows he's not needed any more, so he's gone back to whatever he does when, well, when he's not here."

None of them had any idea why she was asking.

"He's gone," a soft voice replied. Buffy's words weren't so much an answer to the question, as a statement for herself. Since it was some time since she'd spoken, they all turned to stare at her.

"What do you mean, gone?" Dawn questioned. "He wouldn't leave."

Buffy turned to her sister, the only one who realised she would be upset by what she was about to say. "I mean he's gone. There was vampire dust all over his chair last night."

"No!" Dawn stood up as she spoke. "No, he can't be gone."

Buffy stayed where she was, as if confused by her sister's reaction, but the reality was that any strong emotions were simply too much for her.

"He was just a demon," Willow answered, getting to Dawn to put a hand on her shoulder.

Dawn shrugged it off. "He . Was . Not . Just . A . Demon . He was my friend." Her voice was showing more anger than sadness then.

"I know, sweetie," Willow replied, although the look on her face said plainly that she hadn't. "But, we've got Buffy now. Spike's been useful, but with Buffy back .."

Dawn didn't stay to hear what Willow might have added. She ran upstairs and the next sound they heard was her bedroom door slamming.

"I wonder who did it?" Anya mused.

"Probably one of the many demons he's pissed off," Xander replied. "Or even one of the many humans. It's not like he was Mr. Popularity."

As he spoke, he shuffled. I still don’t know how those humans didn't work out it was him. He looked so guilty then, but they didn't spot it. Willow looked relieved, Anya interested, and Tara concerned for Willow. Buffy looked blank, but that was to be something they would all become very used to.

So started Buffy's third life. Thrown out of heaven to a world where everyone expected so much of her. I remember a conversation the morning Dawn went back to school. Buffy came out with Dawn's lunch, and in the exchange asked Buffy if she was ok. When she commented that everyone was asking that, Dawn said, "They care about you a lot. When you were gone .. It was bad when you were gone. But it'll get better now. Now that they can see you being happy. That's all they want."

And that said it all. She was miserable, she didn't know what to do, or how to do it, but she had to be happy, so that her friends weren't upset. But, they had no idea how far she'd go to try to maintain that façade, or worse, that it was a façade.